


Domesticated? Yeah, right.

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-16
Updated: 2007-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: This was his life now though. Held hostage by a cat, in his own home.





	Domesticated? Yeah, right.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes:

I love cats. They are my favourite animal.

Disclaimer: ...yeah, I wish.

* * *

****

**1.    First thought = Best thought**  

Why? Why, oh why, oh why? Brian didn't even _like_ animals. He hated Dogs, Cats, Hamsters, Ferrets, Birds (except for Parrots and Ducks, they were kind of cool), Hermit Crabs, Frogs, Gerbils, and Guinea Pigs. He hated Raccoons, Turtles, Fish, Pigs, Horses, Snakes, Dolphins and even cute little Bunny Rabbits. So why did Justin have to want a cat and why did Brian agree to get it? He was sending it back. No, just no. _No_.  

**2.    I'm too sexy for my Cat.**

It was orange and white. He hated the colour orange. It was ugly and no one looked good in it. It was also _everywhere_. Every time he stepped, it was underfoot. Oh yeah, he had to stop calling it 'it'. His name was Coco Chanel. Brian wouldn't even dignify Justin with a comment. No one even liked cats. Cats were mean. They bit and scratched and meowed all fucking day long. But no, Justin _had_ to want a pet and miraculously, Coco Chanel the cat was the only animal that Justin wasn't allergic too. It fucking figured. 

**3.     It started out with a kiss…**  

"Brian, I'm getting a cat." Wow. He didn't even ask.

"No."

"Well, it wasn't a question. I'm getting a cat. You can come with me to the shelter if you want."

"No."

"You can't tell me no. I want a cat, and you know what else? If you don't let me have it, I'll tell _Gus_." Justin knew he had him there.

Brian's eyes widened in horror. "You wouldn't! Justin, you wouldn't."

Brian wanted to smack that smile off of his face. "Just try me."

"You wouldn't!"

Justin picked up the phone and started to dial. Brian tackled him, knocking the phone to the ground. "Ok, you can get a fucking shitty ass, pussy ass cat."

Justin kissed him.

He hoped the cat would claw Justin's eyes out.  

 

 

**4.    After this my lungs will be so fucked up.**  

He hated him. As soon as Brian saw that cat, he hated him and he knew that the feeling was mutual. It strolled out of the carrier like King of the fucking World, and as soon as it reached Brian, it just dug its claws into his foot, and then purred. Coco Chanel couldn't stay there. No, just, no. _No._    

**5.    Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip.**  

It was on top of the fridge. This was unfuckingbelievable. He was _trapped_ in his kitchen by a cat. Every time he tried to move, it hissed and lashed a paw out. Brian stood at his counter, looking up at the cat, and the cat looked down at him. It was like a stare down. He glanced at the clock. 5.40 p.m. Justin wouldn't be home for 2 hours and he wasn't sure if he could stand there for that long. This was his life now though. Held hostage by a cat, in his own home. All because of fucking blonde boy ass.  

**6.    I'm sick of picking the pieces.**

 Brian knew that the cat only hated him. There was so much proof. Every time Gus came by, Coco Chanel was like that cat in that damned commercial. All _purring_ and shit. Fucking Justin. Gus squeezed it, put clothes on it and pulled its tail, yet he didn't get scratched or bit. If Brian even put his hand near the fucking thing, his hand was nearly gnawed off. He couldn't live like that. No, just no. _No_.  

**7.    Help me.**   

It was like a conspiracy. He was being terrorized by Justin's cat. What did he ever do that was so wrong? He was a good person. He was nice sometimes. He never killed, or stole or anything like that. Why was that omnipotent being in the sky ruining his life? And as long as he hated the cat, or called it names, he couldn't have sex. Justin seriously wouldn't put out. _Seriously._ It had been 4 days. He was being treated like a second class citizen for a cat. That was fucking bullshit.   

8.    **You and me together, I hope it never ends**.  

Justin couldn't be happier. Coco Chanel was the child he never had. He picked him up all the time, and even kissed his fur. He was always all "Brian isn't he great?" or "Brian, Coco did the funniest thing today." So fucking what. One time, Coco scratched Justin and Justin was all "Poor kitty, what did I do to make you mad?" Fuck that shit. Coco Chanel should have been drop kicked out of the fucking window. Brian hated the cat.

**End. Feedback is love.


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